What do I have to prove to you?

It is your turn.

Prove to me I should care.

Prove to me I need you.

Prove to me that all this I have done to maintain (y)our friendship, all this effort I’ve bleed means that you were worth it for me.  Prove me right, prove me wrong, prove yourself worthy.

From the start I’ve given nothing but respect, it is the same as I give to everyone around me, you are no different other than you get more of it than many of the rest.  What I hear about myself from others is things I haven’t said / haven’t done / don’t even pertain to you.  Glad you feel so comfortable on your judging booth.

Consider yourself judged, consider yourself wanting, consider the opportunity.

One difference here is that I am okay putting these thoughts in writing and communicating them with you – for all you have to do is read this and I feel you will know who you are.  You have crept around behind my back and turned a few of my friends to have poor images of me in their minds.  Petty.  Sad.  Immature.

I appreciate greatly your (now) husband getting me out of jail twice, and I paid him back for the first and now finally had enough money to pay him back for the second which was almost twice the first.  On many levels, there was a lack of care about when the payment back happened and as I didn’t have ANY form of a job that allowed pay back, it seemed very logical that I make the payment when I finally have that group of money sitting around, which, inevitably happened. As I knew it would.

As you repeatedly doubted.  As you repeatedly slanted my name.  As you repeatedly fore-casted failure.  Who failed who?  I got your husband at least one of his As in his classes for his degree.  You just got your second degree, I’m sure you know how important those are.  I did it because of my love for him and you.  I’ve never talked bad about you or your husband to anyone and I’ve known you longer than him by years.  You don’t read the unsaid very often so I will say it here, I COULD say things.  None of us are perfect and your shit smells shitty just like the rest of us.

If I don’t get to put this somewhere my anger will eat me up inside and I will blow up.  I AM JUSTIFIED!</rant>